Old Fools Journal: Box of Dreams

Because I broke my website I am having to redo some of my post. This one may not be exactly like the original
January 23, 2009 Friday

This morning I looked into my box of dreams and there was nothing in there. No dreams, no goals and no big plan just some dusty old memories. How did this happen? What do I do? I have never been out of dreams before. I have been to the bottom of that barrel but there always was something but not this time. Just those old cob webs on those old memories. Over the years as old dreams were used they were replaced with a new one and sometimes with several. Somewhere along the way I have failed to take care of the inventory.

Even my goal folder is empty. The goal folder is a manila accordion type and it's not exactly empty as there are some old goals that were dropped for lack of interest but they're useless now. I don't know why I've kept them around. The part of the folder with the “goals achieved but not yet perfected” has a few things but the “perfecting” part is where it begins to be work and not fun. It borders on "projects" which is another word for work. I have plenty of projects but I avoid them by piddling around with artsy fartsy stuff so there are always projects but they are not dreams.

My concern is with the lack of dreams and also goals. I have always thought that people with no dreams and not goals were dead or as good as and that can't be. I'm too young to be dead.

I worried about that this morning until I was in such a frenzy bordering on despair that I was making too many mistakes on the kilt that I was pleating and had to quit. It is a beautiful day so I got on my bike and went out to look for some new dreams. I didn't find any but I did find a variation of “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” one. It's called “looking for paradise”. Although I have chased that dream most of my life and had so many disappointments maybe I can dust it off and use it again.

Meanwhile I am in the market for some new dreams.

We are on the cusp of the Dark Month of February. It has always been a month of dark thoughts and despair for me. It's that time when I just want to sit in the garden and eat worms. I need a potion.

Oh well back to the new kilt. Progress report tomorrow.