I ask "How fast does it go?" and he said "Fast enough". On further questioning I found that it went 6 knots. "One hundred and forty four nautical miles in a day" he said "during which time I sleep, read and eat. I also do repairs and keep watch. In 21 days I can be more than 3000 N miles from here". I had never thought of it that way. Breathing in and out, sleeping, reading and just living and letting the wind take me away. I fell for it and went sailing. -Tom Swaim-


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Thursday, December 16, 2010

Old Fools Journal: December is a waste of a good month.

Susy holding court.

Thanks to all for the comments for Susy. Susy had a good life and she was old enough to die of old age. Thankfully she did not become incapacitated she just got slower. The day before the night she passed she was following me around the back yard and getting behind her ears scratched a lot. She liked that. I wish I had done it more.

She appeared to have just gone to sleep.

She is buried in a place of honor in the garden in a deep hole. A tree will be planted there this coming spring. Words will be said and wine will be spilled at that time. I did not attend with my camera and I apologize but I just couldn't do it. I still can't go near that spot but that will pass.

I try not to think of the dogs I've grieved for over the years but it started as near as I can recollect when I was five years old with "Lady" and I can still name every one of them. It doesn't get any easier in fact it gets harder and it does not ever go away so they pile on top of each other. Since I have a brain and can learn I know that I will outlive any dog that takes up with me. Now, not so much. I don't think I want to do it again. I guess I'm getting soft in my old age.

December is a bad month for us. Mrs. Old Fool's eldest living son who burned in a house trailer fire in Arizona in this month 17 years ago. She believes that it was murder. It was nearly unbearable and for her nearly unsurvivable. I've never seen anyone will themselves dead before but she came close. Needless to say I don't look forward to this time of year.

Having the grand kids healed a lot of wounds over the years but now we can't seem to contact one of them (the Princess). Drastic measures may have to be taken. December was the last month her mother spoke to us. Her father will not answer his phone. Grand parents have no rights in Louisiana even if they raised the grand kids.

There are some things that you will never get over but fortunately you can get used to them. Sometimes you have to work hard at that part.

I know that this will all pass. Meanwhile I'm going to pay for my sins by getting soaked in wine.

8 comments:

Steve A said...

Make it red wine. Red wine is health food.

PaddyAnne said...

I think one of the reasons I like bikes is that they don't have big soft eyes that look at you, nor do they follow you around.

Hopefully, at some point, things will make sense.

Gunnar Berg said...

Yes, Decembers.

Anonymous said...

my ♥ to your ♥

Gwen Buchanan said...

yes I can understand and my heart goes to you.. children although they are a joy are also a heart breaker... a heart can almost stop because of them... or you wish it would stop.. my oldest son was out of touch with me for over 2 years.. his wallet found all mangled and mailed back by the post office, no other word... I surely thought he was dead..

our minds and heart can overwhelm our health and when we think we can cope with it, something triggers than old feeling and it can slam us down again.. I think this kind of hurt is more common than is spoken of as it embarrasses us to think our own children do not love us... I wonder if the children realize what it does deep inside.. it is sad.... sometimes I wonder why we care so much.. it is a miracle that caring hasn't evolved out of us.

Shadowmoss said...

hugs

Lord Wellbourne said...

I'm sending a huge cyber hug from the tundra. I grew up surrounded by dogs and later surrounded myself with cats. I've given many of them state funerals and remember each and every detail of their lives and passings. Yet I'm foggy about my own father's funeral. We miss them when they're gone because they saw the best and worst in us and loved us anyway. Unconditional love is a priceless gift that we all too often take for granted--until it's gone.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry this month is so tough for you and Mrs. Old Fool. My heart goes out to you all. I cannot imagine the pain you have described. January will be here soon and December will be behind us. I do enjoy your blog and your "take" on life! Keep up the good work!