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Saturday, March 5, 2011

Old Fools Journal: What the Hell Flora Belle here we are again


Well against all odds I have made another circumnavigation of Sol our local star. That is approximately another 583 million American miles or what the rest of the world would call 938 million kilometers. Americans do not like to be like the rest of the world. Just because another measuring system makes better sense does not mean Americans will go for it after all it is not American. What else do you expect of a country that changes scientific results to fit politics.

So grandma Flora Belle and I are celebrating, if you can call it that, another birthday. She is 143 today but she is quite dead.

My birthdays always are a celebration of my mother for me. After all that was when I met her face to face. Face to face is not usually what you would call poking your head out of a hole between someones legs but in this case it is just a figure of speech. The only thing different between me and a turd is a couple of inches. It is a good thing we do not remember our birth I guess. It happened to everyone unless you come out through the belly like in the movie "Alien". In the stories even Jesus Christ used that portal. I do not know for sure because I was not there.

Except for Hay-sus Cristo everyone's mother had sex and more than once. Most enjoyed it without even thinking about what was to come (pun not intended). I hope my mother got the full benefit. She sure deserved it. If she was anything like her offspring she liked it a lot. For her moments of pleasure she received plenty of work, pain and heartache and she never flinched.

Every year at this time I atone for my transgressions and remember that grand woman I call MOM.

This picture was taken at my paternal grandparents in 1941. I was two. I suspect that by this time the new had worn off but she never let me know it.

I was her darling baby boy right up until she made the great escape to that final peaceful place. She never berated me and always had a smile for me.

My new kilt came this morning in the regular mail at 10:30 AM. I ordered it Wednesday from located in Minnesota. That is quick and they are known for that. It is a casual, lightweight kilt made of acrylic and it is as cheap as pants. I like the feel of this fabric on my skin.
To my surprise SWMBO (she who must be obeyed) enthusiastically offered to hem it. I was not looking forward to that job so of course I accepted. Normally I like to sew but today I'm a little shaky for some reason and sewing was likely to be a bloody affair. I am a compact version of a real person so naturally almost everything I buy is too long.

It is machine washable and only looks like the heavy weight kilts made with 8 yards of wool the traditionalist are so fond of. It will cover my ass and if I happen to get potting soil, dog slobber or bicycle on it no big deal. I like to sew the material but you really do not want to get it near fire. Burns like a fuse. The tartan is Wallace.

I have one of these in the Blackwatch tartan and intend to get one in Irish National by St. Patrick's day. This kilt is supposed to be worn with a sporran but I am going to try my hand at retrofitting it with slash pockets. I will try to get some pictures of it soon.All these wine bottles showed up today and they are all full. Good wines all and way to good for me. My regular wine come in a plastic bag inside a cardboard box and I like it. This will be a nice change for starting but after a couple of glasses I might as well go back to the cheap stuff because at that point I am drinking for effect not taste.

A glass will be raised by me to Gramma Flora Belle tonight.
and thanks mom I hope I get to do this again next year.
One time free plug for stillwater


Steven Cain said...

To Flora Belle!

Dizzy-Dick said...

Happy Birthday! Great blog, I loved it!!

BTW, did you get any affects from the tornadoes that hit southern Louisiana? Was worried about you and

Oldfool said...

There may have been localized tornadoes here but it was too dark to see. The thunderstorms that moved over us brought on some real darkness. Heavy wind damage 5 or 6 miles from here is thought to have been a tornado.
The tornado reported on the national news at Rayne is over 100 miles from here.
My child bride and I stayed in the burrow and enjoyed creeping old age.

Big Oak said...

Happy Birthday!

Gunnar Berg said...

I was going to say that Stillwater, Minnesota was a beautiful small town. Then I see that Stillwater Kilts are based out of Richfield, which isn't.

Being 1/4th Scottish, I have considered the kilt option, but have decided to take a pass. Kilts in a Minnesota winter could be brutal. I don't believe there is enough Glennlivet in the world.

Happy birthday.

Gwen Buchanan said...

You are so f---ing naughty.. love it!!!